Three Ways
by What-a-Beautiful-Letdown
Summary: How did the falling out between Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin happen between "Order of the Pheonix" and "Half-Blood Prince"? Three one-shots of possible scenarios. "Harry Potter" belongs to JK Rowling.


**A little three-shot of three scenarios - in my mind - that could have led to the HBP state of the relationship of Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin. This first way is a little non-canon, but I really like it. Lots of angst. **

**These all take place at the end of _Order, _and the italicized and blocked off sections are flashbacks.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Harry Potter_ or any of the places and characters affiliated with the series. That's JK Rowling's stuff. **

* * *

><p>My two combat boot-clad feet made their way through the vibrant June grass in a park, then clunked against the cobblestones of a small plaza, and finally crossed the street. I entered a house numbered twelve and managed to slip quietly through the entrance hallway without bothering the horrid painting and umbrella stand. I went down a flight of stairs to the kitchen and leaned with a smirk against the doorway.<p>

"I thought I'd find you here."

Remus Lupin stopped clearing out the contents of the cabinets and turned quickly, almost upending the box in front of him. The jerky nature of his motions and his slight splutter indicated that he was not expecting, nor prepared, for this visit.

"Nym- er, Dora. I didn't know you would be stopping by."

"Molly told me you offered to clear out the kitchen supplies and I thought I'd drop in," I enveloped him in a hug and pecked his cheek. He sighed and gently pushed me about half of an arm's length away.

"We need to talk."

I laughed nervously, almost disbelievingly, but sat in the chair I was offered. My companion scrubbed his face with a hand and slowly sat next to me.

"Dora, this past year has been the best of my life. I had Sirius as a friend again, and- "

"- and me." That merited a chuckle, however brief.

"Yes, and you. You're easily the most vibrant, joyful, intelligent, funny, _amazing_ woman I've ever met. I drink in every second in your presence as if it's what's keeping me alive."

* * *

><p><em>After another late night in the drawing room with Sirius and Remus, I insisted that yes, I really did have to leave because I had work in the morning. I had laced my boots and was shrugging on my light jacket when I heard footsteps behind me. I turned to find myself literally inches from Remus. There was a soft seriousness to his face that I had never seen before. Must be the lighting.<em>

"_Remus, I don't mean to be rude but I really have to-"_

_His lips on mine cut off my parting words; I let my flimsy scarf fall from my hand and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his lips curve into a smile as we broke apart, and I couldn't resist doing the same. _

"_I just tied these boots, do you know how monotonous that is?"_

"_I'll help you take them off, werewolf's honor."_

* * *

><p>Memories of that night are encrusted with laughter, soaked in passion, and filled with bliss. If I thought being friends with Remus was comfortable, then being his girlfriend was second nature.<p>

"Oh, Merlin, you're…" I couldn't work my vocal chords to finish the sentence, but my meaning must have gotten across.

"Yes. I'm so sorry, love, but I just can't allow myself this."

Did I hear that correctly? He can't _allow himself this_? He continued when I remained silent.

"It's not you at all, I promise."

Don't they all say that?

"I'm just too old, too poor, and too dangerous." My eyes began to grow misty. _Drat. _

"I've heard 'it's not you, it's me' before, you know. And right now I'm feeling a little too young, too naïve, and too clumsy."

"Dora, really, I love you."

"Then why, Remus?" A tear slowly traced its way down my cheek, but I remained in check otherwise. I watched as he ran his forefinger over a knot in the table; once, twice, thrice…

"I'm a Dark Creature. I shouldn't, no, I _can't_, live a normal life. Nobody will hire me. Friends don't want to deal with my issues. Transforming into a werewolf once a month is surprisingly a deal-breaker for women, and there's no way I could have a family. You deserve all of that."

I laughed bitterly and shook my head.

"Remus, you're so damn stupid sometimes. You found friends who liked you for your humor, your brains, your character. When they found out you were a werewolf, they transformed themselves to make full moons a bit easier on you. For the record, I don't care what you are for one night a month; you're still Remus to me. And why shouldn't you be able to have a family?"

His fist collided hard with the table; he was angry but trying to control himself. Remus stood and moved around the side of the table. His voice held a scathing tone that seemed out of place on him.

"Don't be stubborn, _Nymphadora_, don't fight me on this. You need a man who won't hinder you. And a _family_? Children might inherit my lycanthropy, and I couldn't live with myself knowing what they'd go through! If they didn't, they wouldn't have a father to be proud of or talk about with their friends. How would I explain my condition to a child? Children complicate things."

My self-control broke. My head fell forward to lay atop my folded arms and sobs wracked my body.

* * *

><p><em>The Burrow always seemed so welcoming and like home, but today the flurry of motion from practically everywhere made me nauseous. I sat at Molly's kitchen table, anxiously twisting my hands in my lap. The matriarch reentered the room, wiping her hands on her apron.<em>

"_Sorry, sweetheart, but bangs from upstairs never bode well with the twins. What was it you needed? You look a little, well, peaky."_

"_Molly, I think… I think I'm pregnant."_

_Her bright smile surprised me, and then it faltered. "You haven't been to Mungo's? Or told your mum or Remus?"_

_I rubbed one arm and averted my eyes. She gave a slight huff and guided me to a bedroom, presumably her and Arthur's._

"_Lie down."_

_I did as I was told. She pushed back my shirt to reveal my still-flat stomach and traced the tip of her wand in a circle around my abdomen, ending in my belly button. She was murmuring an incantation, but I was trying to block everything out. A cloud of silvery mist appeared above my stomach, and a small dot-like object was visible in the middle of it. The edges of the mist turned pink; a positive test._

"_There's your baby. Congratulations, Tonks," Molly pointed her finger at the blob in the middle. _

* * *

><p>I lifted my head and wiped at my eyes, then took a few deep breathes to compose myself. Remus was staring at me, obviously regretting his angry outburst. I gave him a watery smile and then stood to leave.<p>

"Sorry. I wouldn't want to complicate your life any more than I already have," I shot back at him from my position with my hand on the door. I pushed it open and hurried up the stairs, but I could hear him following me. The sound of his footfalls got closer to mine as I walked through the dining area off of the main foyer, then I felt a hand on my arm. He spun me around to face him; I stared up at him evenly as he struggled for words. Finally he settled for indicating with his free hand at my stomach.

"So you're pregnant?"

_Wow, that wall is really interesting. How have I never seen that before? _It required all of my attention. After a few seconds, Remus gave my arm a shake.

"Nymphadora." My eyes focused on the floor. The way he had said my name tonight made me feel like a schoolgirl at Hogwarts again.

"Was. I was pregnant."

I risked a glance at his face; his expression was happy, borderline joyful. I laughed haughtily and tore myself out of his grasp.

"I'll never understand you. Goodbye, Remus."

I strode out of the door into the crisp twilight air. We'd been required to get into the park before we apparated, to not raise any red flags with the Muggles. The door reopened and slammed behind me.

"Dora! Dora, wait!"

I stopped in the middle of the street and turned back to face him. He was hopping on one shoe, still trying to shove his foot in the other; I would've laughed in normal circumstances. I wrapped my arms around myself and prepared for the confrontation.

"Dora, I'm sorry. That was-"

"Rude? Inconsiderate? A terrible thing to do? Yeah, I know."

He ran a hand through his hair, and placed a hand on both of my upper arms.

"I truly am sorry. How… how far along were you?"

"About two months."

"And then you… took care of it?"

My eyebrows moved together in confusion. Then what he was implying sunk in and my jaw slacked.

"What? Why would I kill a baby, _our_ baby?" The tears were back. "About a week after I found out for sure, I lost him or her. _Not_ 'it'. I was just as surprised and unprepared and scared as you felt back there. But that was a bit of both of us, a symbol of the love I thought we shared, and I was also excited and happy. I knew you probably wouldn't react well so I didn't want to tell you. Then it was too late."

I was sobbing by the time I finished, and he wrapped his arms around me. A comforting hand rubbed my back as he tried to hold me together while I fell apart. It felt nice to have him at least act like he cared. Then my brain took the controls from my heart and I pulled away from his embrace.

"No," I hiccupped. "No, no, no. I can't do this. If you're going to leave me, just go back inside and finish cleaning. Don't act like a gentleman if you don't want to be with me, it's confusing." I crossed the rest of the street and began walking across the plaza.

"But-"

"Just leave already, Remus."

"That's funny, because you're the one leaving."

"And it's killing me, but you don't want me to stay here."

"Where are you going?"

I forced a laugh as I reached the edge of the park. My scalp tingled, and my hair slowly became mousy brown. I shrugged my shoulders and said the first thing that came to mind.

"Maybe I'll go to Romania. Older men complicate things."

The shocked and hurt look on his face cemented itself into my mind as I turned and apparated. I wasn't in Romania at a dragon sanctuary, but standing in front of my apartment building. I stumbled up the stairs and unlocked my door. After shakily putting the defensive wards back up, I collapsed onto my bed and cried. _What a mess I've made._


End file.
